The Most Overlooked Self-Coaching Step

Reflection blog

Imagine what would happen if you never took the time to update the apps on your phone (and automatic updates weren’t an option).

Obviously, you’d end up with a frustrating mess.

The same is true with self-coaching, which you’ll see as we dig into the final piece of our 4 step self-coaching process – Goals, Exploration, Action, and now: Reflection.

Reflection is by far the most overlooked step in self-coaching. 

But it’s an essential part of a smooth journey toward your goals. 

It’s your opportunity to download a self-coaching update.

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This final step in the process allows you to assess your progress (or lack thereof) and determine what to do next. 

If you got what you wanted, then it’s time to celebrate your progress and figure out what to do next in order to hang on to the momentum you’ve developed. 

If you didn’t get what you wanted, you need to regroup and figure out what to adjust next in order to get a better result in the days ahead.

The most important question during reflection is: 

“Based on where I’m at now and what I’ve learned about myself so far, WHAT’S NEXT?”

Before I unveil the full set of Reflection questions, a firm warning: DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP. 

If your initial inclination tends to be: “It is what it is… If I’m doing great now, I’m all set…” OR, “If I wasn’t successful then I’ll just give up.” Resist giving into this way of thinking! Thinking like this guarantees future failure. 

Period. 


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The best thing about coaching (real process coaching like you’re doing right now), is that you are learning and growing the whole time! 

You just have to continue to use what you learned to keep becoming better. 

For people like you, giving up on becoming better isn’t even an option. Right?

So approach the ENTIRE process of self-coaching with genuine curiosity and a desire to learn about yourself. 


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As you work on the step of reflection, we use a frame of “Oh that’s interesting,” rather than a judgmental and condemnatory perspective (like: “This was a dumb goal” or “Jeez I’m lazy and didn’t even try to take the action step that I created”).

If you begin to sense self-talk or feelings reflecting those thoughts, take a deep breath and shift into the curious investigator/“Oh that’s interesting” mindset. 

OK… After the Goal has been set and Explored, and the timeframe for seeing results from our Action step has past, here are some perfect Reflection questions: 

How well did I stick to taking the action step that I determined would move me toward my goal?

If I took it consistently, how do I currently feel about my progress toward my goal? 

If I did not take it consistently, what did I learn about myself? How might I refine my action step or how I’m holding myself accountable in order to get a better result in the days ahead?

If I took my action step consistently and I’m satisfied with my progress toward my goal, how might I carry this forward or expand upon this success? How might I refine my action step or what might be a new action step that I will commit to taking now?

If I took my action step consistently and I’m not satisfied with my progress toward my goal, what did I learn about myself? How might I refine my action step or what might be a more effective action step that I will commit to taking now?

If giving up on my goal is not an option, what might be the very best thing for me to do next in order to move forward?


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Like always, one of the toughest things about self-coaching is sitting down and working through the questions. 

Do it now. If you can’t do it now, schedule it.

Now you have the whole 4 part self-coaching system which you can use to keep moving forward toward becoming the best version of yourself! 

It’s not anything mystical or magical. Maybe for you, it’s not even all that exciting. 

It’s just a system for honest to goodness WORK. 

And it’s this work that separates the happy from the hopeless, the failures from the successes, the victims from the victors.

WORK

It’s just work. 

But I know you will do the work. 

I know that you’re somebody who needs to be the best version of themselves OR ELSE. 

For that, I celebrate you and will continue to support you.

Now, go get to work. 😉

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